4 Ways To Handle Intrusive People - A person typing a response on a laptop

How To Deal With Invasive And Nosy People

4 Ways To Handle Intrusive People | Setting Your Boundaries Today

Who are we talking about here? They are those who ask inappropriate and private questions like “why don’t you have kids” or “when will you get married”. Those who give unsolicited advice and opinions. The ones you’ll catch gossiping every chance they get. Whether it is a nosy relative, an overly curious colleague asking a way to personal question, or a friend crossing boundaries and invading your privacy, dealing with difficult situations and reacting properly to nosy people takes time and practice. Don’t worry though, because if you are looking for tips on dealing with nosy people with intrusive questions, you are in the right place

I had my fair share of those interactions, and I like to think I’ve found a way to deal with those situations. Our reactions and how we handle them also depend on what the relationship with that person means to us, and if we wish to keep it.

Depending on the nature of the relationship, here is how you can respond to invasive behaviour:

1. Understand they are using that behavior to hide their own insecurities

This first step is for you to understand it was probably never that much about you, as it was a tool for them to deflect, focus on others instead of their own insecurities. I am not making excuses for them and that doesn’t make that behaviour okay, it is simply what I use to have a less emotional reaction and to, frankly, care less. It actually works, and that’s the whole point here – how you react and feel when encountered with those situations and people.

2. With kindness make them realize their intrusive actions

This one seems almost controversial, as the social norm isn’t often to be direct. But some people may not even be aware of their intrusive behaviour, and if you gently communicate your discomfort, you can clearly state your boundaries. If this seems too direct for you, you can start by practicing indirect ways of letting them know they are being intrusive (through a joke, or by letting them know that was a strange thing to ask).

3. Practice generic answers to common questions

This one is for those mainstream, but very personal questions some people just feel entitled to ask you, like “why don’t you have kids yet”, etc. If those questions are asked by people you barely know simply practice a generic, non-revealing answer, or even use deflection (and change the subject if you find a way), and avoid the question entirely.

4. Let them know how you feel

I practice this reaction when the questions are too personal, but the person asking it is someone close. For example, when my mom asks some of the above questions, I let her know how that makes me feel. I do this when I wish to maintain the relationship with the person asking it, and I feel comfortable enough to tell her how that makes me feel. They usually get it, and it helps our relationship.

Handling Difficult Situations With Nosy People

There are a lot more ways to deal with these situations, and you probably have some of your own. If you’d like to find out more ways of dealing with these situations, I did some digging and here are my top picks:

Please let me know if you found some of these ways useful, and if you’d add something else to the list. Also, you can check out the 5 steps I took to awaken the badass within, empowerment is always a good thing.

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With love,

Common Unicorn

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How to Use Mindfulness to Cope with Anxiety and Cravings

How I apply what I learned from guided mindfulness meditations to relieve anxiety and deal with cravings

Mindfulness meditation is the process of training your mind to focus, redirect your thoughts, and bring yourself to the present. As my favourite mindfulness meditation guide Sam Harris said: The practice of mindfulness is extraordinarily simple to describe, but it is in no sense easy. If you know nothing about mindfulness meditation, I suggest his page / book / app as a place to start – that’s how I did it anyways. 🙂

It is Sunday around noon, I have just returned from yoga practice and I am feeling amazing. The sun is shining, I am sipping on a fresh cup of coffee, and I have the whole afternoon to enjoy my process of typing my thoughts out loud. It seems so easy to be happy. This, however, is not always the case, right? Sometimes something bad happens and I need time to process it, or out of nowhere I start feeling anxious, even panicky. What now? How did that same girl that was feeling absolutely perfect is now feeling like shit, and sometimes without any apparent reason? This shifts in mood and emotional stages, especially the ones without an apparent reason, I took really REALLY hard, and by doing that, I’d even prolong the negative state.

I am an anxious person and I experience (all) emotions very deeply, I feel so much. It can be hard sometimes to deal with it all at once. A couple of months ago I started practicing mindfulness meditation, and I’ve been pretty steady with it. I still feel negative emotions, I still have thoughts I sometimes don’t even understand, and I still get very anxious. What is different now is that I have a tool – mindfulness helps me become aware of the sensations that happen in those moments. It helps me dissect them and see them for what they really are. I am still a beginner in mindfulness meditation so the best I can give you is my own experience and how it helps.

Using mindfulness for Anxiety Relief

When I’m experiencing sudden anxiety, I become more mindful of how my body feels, where do I feel it the most. Part by part I observe my breath, the pulsating in my hands, sweaty feeling on my palms and feet. I become aware of my thoughts. How they come on go. I don’t try to influence them, nor do I identify myself with them – realizing I am not my thoughts, I just let them come and go, and just like that, they are no longer here. By doing that, I don’t avoid completely the anxiety, but I don’t amplify it and it passes much sooner.

How to Overcome Cravings with Mindfulness

When I get sudden cravings for a glass of wine (or really anything with alcohol), I observe how this craving manifests physically. Realizing that the physical part of the craving (for me) is almost non-existing and that the craving is simply a product of my thought (the thought that is conditioned by the false idea that alcohol will calm me, unwind me, help me cope), I then shift my focus to becoming more aware of my emotional state, my thoughts. Usually, it means something else was on my mind, something was bothering me, or I needed some unwinding or something like that – I don’t just dismiss that emotion, I try to understand it, and then I cope in a healthy way (a cup of tea, stretching, a bubble bath, talking to someone, etc.).

Every body and every mind is different – these are just my experiences with it. If they spoke to you in some way, there are loads of apps with amazing guided mindfulness meditations. All you need is to just start and be patient with yourself – approach it with nothing but self-compassion 🙂

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5 Steps To Wake Up The Badass Inside You - girl looking at flying balloons and being happy

5 Steps To Wake Up The Badass Inside You

5 steps I took to awaken the badass that was already in me

Being regularly undermined rarely doesn’t leave a mark on a person. It definitely did a number on me. Whether it was a family member telling me (from quite an early age) I needed a man to put me in place, because I was way too opinionated and assertive for a woman, or a guy at work daily trying to diminish my value by calling me ‘little girl’, instead of my name. After more than two decades of such regular undermining, I didn’t question them much – I believed them. I second-guessed my every single step. I would analyze my tone and what I was saying to not sound too assertive or commanding. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for longer than I care to admit because I thought that was normal – somebody had to put me in my place, remember? It is a vicious cycle; the more you let them, the more they put you down. It takes a lot of strength to fight it, break the cycle, but it is possible. And once you beat them, beat all that undermining, underestimating of yourself, you are freaking invincible.

Everyone has their own path and their own demons, so there is no unique approach. I can only share my journey and hope it will inspire you to awaken that badass inside of you who doesn’t take other people’s shit and that marches to the beat of their own drum. So without further ado, here’s what I did:

I reversed my approach

Instead of always considering what others said to be the truth and second-guessing my every single thought, I started second-guessing what others said and started believing in myself.

I started saying no

I was so lousy with boundaries, in a way that others could really push me around. Once I changed that, some people left and took their toxicity with them.

I reassured myself daily

I haven’t converted overnight to this confident superwoman. As a matter of fact, I still haven’t. Everyday I remind myself of my own worth, remind myself of how strong I am and how I only lose my strength by second-guessing it.

I started taking it as a compliment

Once I changed the way I interpreted the undermining comments, it was much easier to just shake them off. Before, a comment like ‘you are way to opinionated and assertive’ or ‘you should focus on starting to build a family, not a career’ used to feel so belittling (which it still is, don’t get me wrong). I now see those comments as personal applauds for how provocatively successful I am.

I became more vocal about supporting others on their own quests for greatness

Not that before I wasn’t cheering for others, I just wasn’t that upfront or vocal about it (and I am sorry for that). Loudly cheering and supporting others really is an awesome feeling, an amazing deed, and a catalyst for your own greatness.


And there you have it. Every little step altogether resulted in a great new energy of, to put it bluntly, being a BADASS. And badasses do amazing stuff.

If you enjoyed this read, check out 10 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Mental Well-being.

Related topic:

How To Deal With Invasive and Nosy People

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Things I learned about myself after quitting drinking - a girl with a hopeful look on her face

3 Things I Learned About Myself After Quitting Alcohol

The Benefits of Giving Up Alcohol For Good

For some time I was playing with the idea of quitting drinking alcohol in my head, but the reasons not to were usually stronger (it seemed fun?!, a social thing, a celebratory thing, etc.). I did not like how booze made me feel neither while drinking (lazy, sleepy) nor after the fact (hangover anxiety, which was absolutely horrifying every time). Thinking about it now, I just don’t understand how I didn’t come to realise it sooner that it was doing me absolutely NO good and that I actually did not like it. But, when we normalise, even romanticise alcohol we usually do not see it for what it is.

Something changed for me at the beginning of 2021 (still not sure how or what exactly, but I am glad it did) and I decided to quit drinking for a while – you could say I was sober curious. After making that decision I drank twice more in January (which is nothing compared to my usual 2-3, okay 4 times a week) and both times even while still drinking I thought to myself what the ?! and why did I ever think this was enjoyable. Not to mention that the cripling hangover anxiety, or hangxiety, the day after is so not worth it. There was really no reason left for me to have that glass of wine now and then because I didn’t even want it anymore – that is when I made the radical choice not to drink anymore at all, and when the wonderful benefits of that decision came marching in my life.

During the month of sober curiosity and then a couple of months of sobriety, I can tell you at least 3 amazing things I’ve come to truly learn and appreciate about myself since going alcohol-free:

Noticing alcohol was only numbing me

If I was having fun drinking, it was because of the company and/or the activity and not the booze. Otherwise I was just numbing whatever needed to be numbed. Not wanting to drink anymore made me realise this and recognise it – now I attend activities and gatherings I want to, that are fun and exciting, and avoid the ones that are not (and only seemed like fun because of all the alcohol that numbed the truth).

Discovering I am a morning person

This may sound foolish, but for so long I thought I was not a morning person and hated waking up early, I was always tired and grumpy. Not drinking alcohol improved my sleep immensely. Being fresh and rested in the morning had an amazing effect on me – I developed an elaborate morning routine I am actually excited about and enjoy it. Now I can’t wait to wake up early – even on the weekends I am up before 8am, sipping my fresh cup of coffee by the window and just enjoying life.

Finding out my hidden passion for journaling and writing

This one is more of a rediscovery. Quitting alcohol has an amazing effect on ones introspection. I started to be more mindful and self-observing, allowing myself to reconsider my belief system, as well as my likes and dislikes. There was this surge of emotional revelations that needed an outlet and I somehow remembered myself as a kid – I LOVED to write. Journal, poems, short stories, you name it. I was always scribing something. And there you have it – the need to let all of these emotions out and my love for writing together created this blog.


I could name a dozen and more amazing things that happen when you decide your body and mind don’t deserve and don’t need to be abused by alcohol. But for now I will leave you with these 3, as they are the strongest and most captivating lessons I have experienced on this journey that has merely just began.

Related topic:

5 Things You Are Missing Out On When You Stop Drinking

If you’re considering sobriety or you are in the early stages and need some additional tools to help you out, check out my post about 4 apps you can use to help you out in early sobriety.

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